Lossing Your Love One

4 Nov 2015

Hi there. I'm so sorry for neglecting this space, but things have been going crazy the last two week. It's terrible if i have to be honest. My grandmother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and she is already at the latest stage. My mom quitted her job so that she can be prepared if anything urgent happens and also to accompany my grandmother (she visits her on a daily basis ever since then.)

Honestly, November has now became the month i hate the most, or most afraid of. Last year November, i lost the aunt I'm closest with. She was like our second mother, someone who raised us up. And she left us the day after my father's birthday. November 13th.

I would be lying if i say I'm not affected.
I became really sensitive when it comes to the topic of people leaving. By that i mean, my "crying point" lowered alot. I used to feel nothing about a character in a drama passing away but now that i know how it feels as the person's family, it reminds me of how i felt at that point and tears will just well up without me even knowing lol.

Monday was my aunt's "first year anniversary" (this is according to the Chinese Lunar Calendar, therefore it's different. And just to make it sound nicer, first year anniversary.) since she passed away and theres so many things i want to tell her. "I've been doing well.",
"I managed to stop myself from doing stupid things quite a number of times.", ect ect.

I miss her. I'm afraid that as time goes by, i will forget how she looks like, how her voice sounds like, and how we shared memories ever since i was born.

There's this saying, "You don't know what you've got till it's gone", or "People only start cherishing after they lost it". And i must say those quote are damn true and unless you've experienced it, don't tell me you don't agree with it.

It's time to say goodbye, they say. You can't do anything with it, the only choice you have is to let go and move on, they say. Cherish the people around you.

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