8 Jul 2017

So I took my N-Level English Oral yesterday,
and it hit me so hard that I'm actually taking a examination which will decide where I will be going —or not going— after I graduate (if I manage to). I've always been one of those kid who study only the day before the actual exam, because I fear that I would forget all of them if I started too early, because I assume that that's the best way I can get everything in my head.

And I've finally come to a point where I feel so lost, I don't know what I'm gonna do, or who I'm gonna be after graduation. It feels like I'm all alone when my friends are already starting their revision. They know exactly what they want and they fight for it. I don't. I don't know what I'm interested in, I don't know what job I want, and thus I don't have a goal I'm striving towards.

It sucks, when you know you fail as a student,
as a daughter,
but you still don't have the determination
to make a change.
It sucks to feel so shitty,
but I know fully that I deserve to feel it.

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