Luna Phase 011

9 Apr 2019


Hello there, whew. How's it going? Ever since January everything has gone haywire!‬ ‪So many things happened it was hard to handle and when i have the time, all i wanted to do was sleep. My stress level was out of capacity that period of time but now that everything is settled down, i can finally write about it.‬

Miscommunication‬


With constant arguments with my mom, it's hard trying to let her hear and understand me. Think of a screaming person desperate to let someone with blocked ears hear what she have, thats me and my mom. Problems in communication is such a killer because rather than having a proper conversation like an adult, we always either end up with both of us raising our voices or me giving up on voicing. The only time we came to a conclusion was when I bawled my eyes out explaining to her why i could only provide her with that amount of money for our family. Perhaps she felt guilty because it was rare of me to sob uncontrollably infront of her, she texted me after i went back to my room, sort of like offering a handshake? I took the chance to write out my thoughts through text messages hoping to convey my feelings, thats when we put a fullstop to it.‬ ‪It's really hard and we are still learning, but I'm glad we both took a step back.‬

Fear of losing my loved one‬


Talk about my biggest fear... My uncle was sent straight to A&E on the 19th February and all of us had no idea what happened as it was so sudden it caught us off guard. The time passed deadly when we were waiting at the A&E, i could only remember a lot of tears, a lot of worry and all we could do was wait. We had to wait for the doctor to check on everything, hours went by and we were told that he's still under critical condition. He was then transferred to ICU the following day and that was the beginning of juggling work and visiting the hospital. It's either dropping by the hospital then head straight to work, or heading straight to the hospital after work.

The days in ICU absolutely drained all of us, but the fear of losing him and heartache to see him in such poor condition was even more unbearable.‬ ‪Luckily, he was transferred to the normal ward after 5 days in the ICU. That was when the oxygen pipe down his throat was removed and he could finally speak. My first time shedding tears of joy. He's now recovering from the bruises he got from falling, but he's able to communicate and eat really well so we are all overjoyed!‬ ‪Life is too short. few hours ago that person could be speaking to you and few hours later hes at A&E under critical condition. As all of us would say, cherish your love ones.‬ ‪On the brighter note, cousin and i got to spend some time together during that period of time as we get to meet at the hospital. Knowing that we have each other's back is such a warm fuzzy feeling.

Resting‬


Allowing myself to rest! After my uncle's incident, I decided to take a one week off from work just to recharge myself and allow myself to breathe. I didn't do much within that one week — just enjoying the free time by walking my dog, watching the long forgotten dramas and helping out with house chores. Really taking my time and appreciate just doing nothing. Though half way through it i felt really guilty resting instead of making money, i knew i needed that break. I needed an open window for me to just throw all the stress and negativity that has been piling up, and that one week break is exactly the open window i needed. I'm thankful for myself and thankful for everything around me.‬ ‪I've always felt like I'm running towards something like I'm being chased from behind to push me forward, "faster, faster!" And I never really allowed myself to stop and take a deep breath, but this time i did it. This time i cut myself some slack, and I'm thankful I did. I'm also thankful for my dog for occupying most of my time, thankful for Netflix (especially for bringing in Asian films), and thankful for the good musics that I've listened to. It made my week full of happiness and I'm so satisfied.‬

‪I guess that's all i can think of for now! Any thing more previously are already in shredded pieces at the back of my mind so I won't be able to share it with you guys.‬

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